Uncategorized – My Life is a Work in Progress

You know what the worst part about vacation is?
Not the packing, not the “are we there yets?” from kids if you have them, not even the expense…

Nope. It’s the last day. You know when you still want to enjoy beach and pool time (or wherever you are) but also know that leaving awaits you. It’s such a melancholy day for me.

I am not a huge traveler – much more of a homebody but at the beginning of each summer we spend a week in Hilton Head Island, SC with my parents. I’ve been coming here since I was literally in utero, only missing a few years here and there. My parents are still thankfully healthy enough to travel down here for a few weeks and my husband and I are lucky enough to join them for a week with our little kids. And yes, for the record, I will acknowledge how lucky I am that I’m in my early forties and my parents still take me on vacation. It’s a familiar “home away from home” for someone who doesn’t like to travel and I’ve enjoyed having my girls do many of the same things I did growing up.

And then that last day comes. Maybe it would be better if we didn’t live 12 hours away and I didn’t have to play flight attendant for my kids as my husband drives. But that last day as I’m taking pictures, enjoying the beach and pool and trying to pack, the voice in my head screams “vacations over, time to go back to real life.” And honestly real life is fine – I’m ready to go back. I like work. I miss our dog like crazy. I miss our routine.

but…I also love all of us together. Being under the same roof as my parents. Not rushing around to school or extracurricular activities. Ignoring the news. Having ice cream treats in the middle of the day. Dreaming of living at the beach.

When that last day comes and the tears threaten and I try to just be present, it’s so damn hard. The tears start to form and I find myself actually just ready to “travel by map” as they say in the Muppets and be home. Just be done with it.

BUT

How lucky am I to have something so hard to say goodbye to? How lucky am I to have my parents who still want to go on vacation with us and our crew? How lucky am I to show my girls all the stuff I love ? So I’ll take that melancholy feeling along with something I say to the ocean every year “thanks for a great time. Hope to see you next year – if not before.”

here’s to summer 2025!

Excuse my language, but that’s how I can sum up first trimester pregnancies. If I’m being honest, it’s probably the whole 40 weeks of pregnancy, but especially the first trimester. I’m almost 18 weeks along (and guess what, I started a draft of this blog right after I finished by first trimester and look how great I’ve been at posting it? #MomLife #WorkLIfe #ToddlerandDoglife.

So how did we get here? Certainly not the ‘conventional” way….just like our first child, we went the IVF route, using one of our frozen embryos. Beginning in November, I started estrogen and progesterone shots for my embryo transfer that was on December 10. For all those people who have those cute onesies that say “Proof Mom and Dad didn’t socially distance,. I want one that says “Proof Mom and Dad did socially distance. #IVFbaby.”

I have been to every single fertility appointment and OB appointment solo. For the transfer, I had to drive down to Valley Forge for a 3 PM transfer by myself because Jason had to make sure to get Maggie from daycare (he wasn’t allowed inside anyway so I guess it wasn’t a huge deal). Anyway, we found out right before Christmas that I was, with child and while elated, that is when the worrying begins. It also didn’t stop the shots – I had to continue those until January 31 and let me tell you, getting shots nightly in the ass area is not exactly the funnest thing in the world.

Now, I will say I have been slightly less stressed with Baby Number 2 – who we affectionately call Sprout because we aren’t finding out the gender. It’s both easier and harder to be pregnant again – first with Maggie I had some bleeding early on so that freaked me out but turned out to be nothing. So far, I have not had that but I do have some high blood pressure that is being controlled by medication and they are watching that closely because I am “older” now. I definitely have more nausea and fatigue than last time though. This is perhaps due to chasing after a 2 year old while also working full time. Fortunately, I haven’t gotten sick that much, but sometimes the nausea alone is enough to cause issues.

Sprout doesn’t seem to always like sweets which is a real bummer because I love sweets. Early on, Sprout didn’t seem to like pizza, but I had a little chat with Sprout, and let’s just say, pizza is back on the table. No one messes with pizza. With Maggie, I avoided caffeinated beverages until the third trimester when I took sips of Coke here and there and never ate a deli meat. This time? I’ve already had some Coke and have definitely heated up some lunch meats. I’m trying to be as careful as possible, but sometimes you just got to give yourself some grace.

But, this brings me to my title. There are days I feel great – like barely pregnant and I’m like holy shit, what is wrong??? Basically, if I don’t feel nauseous, I’m worried that something is wrong. The bump is there, but the worry never quite goes away.

As for what Maggie knows? She knows “sometimes Mommy’s tummy hurts and she has to lay down.” She also saw me from time to time getting shots and would say “Mommy does shots, Daddy helps.” She even takes the meat thermometer and thinks it’s my shots. Heaven only knows what she might be telling her teachers at daycare. I have also told her there is a baby in Mommy’s tummy but I am 100 percent sure she doesn’t get that. As for Tucker, I know he knows, he just chooses to ignore the fact.

So, we are baby stepping our way to the end of August when Sprout should make his or her arrival. If you want to send good thoughts and/or prayers, that would be greatly appreciated. And as always, I am very mindful that this announcement can trigger some feelings in those who are trying for a baby or have had miscarriages – please know that I am always here to listen and always here to share my fertility story.

My shots during IVF and 17 weeks along!