mental-health – My Life is a Work in Progress

When I grow up

Confession: I’m 43 and I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. Or what my passions are most days. Am I even a grown up? Some days I don’t feel like one.

I know that sounds like crazy talk. I’m married. I have two kids and a dog and a full-time job in public affairs that I enjoy and that I’m good at. I’ve been recognized at work for some of my achievements.

But some days (most days) I feel like an imposter. Or that I should be so much farther along in my life or know more things. There are days where I can’t believe I’m even a parent and in charge of two little humans (let’s be honest here, they are actually in charge of me). I’m trying not to bash myself here but it’s hard.

The other day I used my favorite tool that I use when I don’t know the answer for something or am trying to learn more about something: Google. God bless Google. I mean, sure I can find myself doom scrolling if I have a health question but damn Google can find it all and then some. Thanks to Google I found this scarymommy article and felt slightly less alone.

However what I’ve been learning about myself and what I’ve been trying to preach on here a bit is making more time for your self and the activities you want.

This summer, I’ve set a small goal to learn more about the creative outlets I like – not just this blog but to learn more social media skills. I like to be creative but not arty if that makes sense – don’t ask me to go to a paint night and expect a masterpiece – I’m there for the wine mainly. I do want to focus on things I like: dogs, reading, finding fun things for my kids and how to share that with the world.

And yes, while my blog posts can sometimes feel a little all over the place, maybe this process will too. But I’m here and ready to learn.

lonely.

Part II

For almost 3 years I have worked from home – while my work has a physical location in Virginia, most everyone is remote. I love it – it’s perfect as a mom and especially works because my husband sometimes travels or frequently has night conference calls and working remotely allows me to get dinner ready, do laundry, walk the dog and not feel as overwhelmed like I would if I had to go to an office and work. I am super productive and can multitask like Simone Biles can sail through the air and make it look effortless. But, we all know it’s not and I’m also incredibly isolated. Not being from this area, I don’t have a core group of girlfriends nor do I seem to make women friends easily. I’ve joined Facebook groups for moms but it seems like every event there’s a conflict for me or is maybe not something I am interested in. Or it seems like plans would be made with a fellow mom friend and then we’d have to cancel because of the inevitable sickness. I’m also one of those people who could do one thing socially one week and then be OK for like 3 months being a hermit though lately I’ve felt the push to want to do more. I’ve had a lot of lonely days lately honestly.

I thought this year would be an opening – and it has been, but not as fast as I like. I’ve always heard when your kid starts elementary school, that’s a good place to find parent friends…well, that’s still very much a work in progress. Many of her classmates have moms who either have kids in higher grades so they’ve cemented friendships already or, as I’ve said before, they grew up here and aren’t too interested in expanding their friend group (or at least that’s how it feels on the outside looking in). I’ve done some mingling – I’ve joined the PTO so we’ll see. Frankly, I’ve actually had a bit more luck with Poppy’s 2 year old class. Part of that is because Poppy is a social butterfly. Not shy like Maggie and will play with almost anyone (though I must say I’m so damn proud of Maggie – she’s come so far and is one reason I’m working on making Mom friends).

I saw this social media meme recently that really resonated with me and I think that’s maybe why I’m feeling a certain way. With an almost 6 year old and almost 3 year old, some things are way easier and it’s easier to remember what I was once like.

I hope in a few months, I can report back that I’m starting to make a core group of friends. I admit, I’m not super optimistic – I’ve made some strides this year with opening myself up and also doing things for myself, but I’m pretty sure my therapist would be pushing for more if I could ever get into see her.

So, if you are a parent, how did you make friends? What did you do to care for yourself? I realize I didn’t really talk too much about self-care here…next time!